morning, 10:30, and it's so late, but i can't get out of bed. i linger, the phone, the messages, the news, the words just rushing into my head through my eyes. another day, and it's sunny outside, i don't need the blankets, i'm gonna exercise, i need to work, get yourself together, hoje vai ser melhor, hoje vai começar a vida de novo, levanta, come, faz alguma coisa. 11h30, uma hora, already gone, it's so silent, vou escutar música, i can't stand the silence, i keep talking to myself, long conversations that make no sense, but take hours and hours and hours, e eu aqui, deitado nessa cama. there's no space for music, i'm sorry for my absence to myself. 12:30, i'm so hungry, what's going on with my life? my stomach gets me out of bed, café da manhã, ou almoço? it's been weeks that i haven't had lunch, because breakfast doesn't allow it to happen. such failure... que saudades, que saudades, que saudades, pounding on the edge of brain, de novo de novo de novo. i need to go home, i'm gonna leave academia, i need a simple life, but i like what i do, but i dislike what it asks of me. quero andar na praia, quero acordar com o sol na cara, quero encontrar meus amigos, quero me sentir calmo. quero me sentir calmo. quero me sentir calmo. i need to learn how to breathe again, when was the last time? yoga doesn't count, i'm controlling myself, that is practice. preciso sentir as horas leves, voltar pra mim mesmo. i feel so lonely, this city is so big, i wish i could be somewhere else. atravessar os oceanos, ver o céu, pisar no chão. there's no ground in this place, nothing is real, just my feeling of irreality. so silent so silent... eu tinha tanta coisa pra sentir, pra fazer, pra falar, pra pensar, pra trocar... but now i can only go back to bed. no, i'll drag myself out, take a walk, dar uma volta no quarteirão, bicicleta, rua, esquina, dobra à direita, dobra à esquerda, vai em frente... 17h, 18h, 19h, 20h. i'm smoking too much, tenho que fumar menos, um a menos a cada dia, até eu não fumar mais. todo dia todo dia, let me just go. escureceu, i wish i could be getting up somewhere else. muito silêncio aqui, esqueci como se escuta música, esqueci como se dança, preciso dançar...