today there was an earthquake
for a fourth of a second the world was true
insecure and unstable
dont hurt yourself
-- it said --
you'll die anyway

parado no ar a indecidibilidade do movimento
un
de
ci
d
ability
o corpo esvaziado -- tenho um?
todo dia é dia de pensar todo dia dia de
não ser
ela disse que não vem mas
vem mesmo assim
todo dia o tempo todo
à noite, um copo de café manhã de sol
perdida no sono
músculos que doem
luto é trabalho

vai transbordar porque não há mais
onde
colocar enfiar guardar

deal with your fucking misery
life is hard for every one
why did you ever think you got any privileges?

the smell of the acid metal air in the subway in nyc
the people hanging out late night at the corners of the city moving their bodies in beautiful ways

waking up early in the morning to the sounds
of my grandpa hitting the metal bowl on his buddhist altar

the roughness of the cold snow, frozen rivers, crispy air blowing in through the window early morning
hidden places, her body asleep, while i prepared my cup of coffee toast spread cheese

the smell of coffee and of cooked rice
delicately placed next to bananas and apples to our long gone relatives in some distant land

the discovery of tenderness, gentleness, infinity
her figure sitting by the stairs, a clumsy cigarette between her fingers, revealing my fear of loving too much---i want to always remember that tenderness

the sun hitting my face, waking me up, and the certainty of the sea
long hours in front of old movies cds books, the comfortable certainty of loneliness

the taste of green tea, 11 at night, shared with my father
i miss that, i miss the youth in his face, the future in my mind my mother's calm asleep traces

the width of the world, palm trees, sand dunes, endless green fields, salty seas, strange languages
the tiny round tube in london, the crowds in tokyo, the bitterness of berlin, the sunrise in a temple in cambodia, feeling lost feeling loose feeling there

the vastness of the sidewalk, the smell of rotten fruit at the street market, the fear of fish smell
barbecues by the pool, awkwardness in my body, sand in the swimsuit, afternoons in the movie theater

knowing the past, and feeling the future right on my skin, the size of the universe, following me wherever i went

in order to sleep, you forget you have a body
"take this little pill, it will make your head numb, your veins swell
and then you die into sleep"
isnt dying just like sleeping?

i thought that i was a whole and that i would never be broken anymore
but every week a spot on my face bursts, aches
inflammation is a symptom of vast emptiness
it's all those years of windy words clogging the pores of my shiny skin

geography is uncanny just like love
the more my body slides through different surfaces, points of reference gradually vanish
with my body my inhalation my perspiration

my blood-- does it exist? today it showed from under my lower lip
a little blood dripped from the chin into the overpriced coffee
which was paid to cover with its black thick burnt taste
the size of my desperation

there's some life in me, it costs 950 yen

her soft body is far, and distance has never felt so hard
i despise the continents, while my ears deafen immersed in a strange language
will i ever see again?
my mind is just melting away

forgive me forgive
for all the silence, but your words your presence your wide wide thoughts
are all within whatever is best in me
that part that will never faint